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Defining Marriage in a Kardashian World

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    What does marriage mean today?

  • Duration 6:43
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It was 72 -- marriage of reality star Kim Gord -- Sheehan has critics pundits and that just plain folk crying foul saying she made a mockery of God's holy institution.

But perhaps Kim -- machine is a victim of the cultures misunderstanding of what marriage is really about.

Best selling author and well known pastor doctor Tim Keller has written a new book on what god has joined together it's called.

The meaning of marriage facing the complexities of commitment with the wisdom of god and doctors -- -- joins me right now and I also have to at least say in in full disclosure that -- actually a member of the church that you pastor so.

You -- -- this -- better time to -- your pastor under them on the hot seat then on TV great -- -- okay.

I agree so if you could have -- Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries down for a little premarital counseling before they.

-- -- on what would you have told them.

I -- said that the culture tells you that marriage is all about individual fulfillment.

That if you find the perfect soul mate that he won't change you you won't change.

Him.

You'll just fit perfectly OB a fairy tale and that's that's the fairy tale.

Traditional marriage is always said marriages about a covenant it's a binding agreement promise in which you say I'll be there with you through thick and thin.

You do not look so much that individual your own fulfillment.

You're there to supplement your interest to the needs your spouse in the relationship he expected a person -- -- You expect to be knocking a rough edges off each other you expect conflicts because you're too self centered people.

And there can be terrific fulfillment on the line but it won't be a fairy tale that's what I -- said.

Wow do you think they would have not problem with -- that two million dollar job.

I don't know I don't think I think it would have taken more than ten minutes to convince them.

Unit remain -- -- probably around hovering around 50% I think and yeah.

You hear so many times that people are looking for mr.

price mr.

Clinton is -- There's soul mate and you mentioned just genuine answer the other question but it isn't it what's wrong with that is anything wrong with I mean isn't there are -- person that's just.

-- for somebody out there.

Duke.

Duke professor Stanley -- -- has famously said you always marry the wrong person.

I was doesn't mean that if you can only speak to it through a translator it's a good idea to Mary.

-- I or if she's eighteen and -- 82 maybe that's not a good idea either but what he really means is to say that since human beings -- self centered.

-- Everybody had a fundamental levels and compatible.

But then secondly even though you tend to think you -- person you know you can't know them.

Until you've actually been with them and marriage is so big that it changes you.

And so that after your married the person is somewhat different than the one you married and therefore ultimately in the end -- always gonna find -- certain seasons.

That the other person seems like a stranger to you.

As you're gonna have to love the other person because of your bow that we'll take you through the drive times the place -- -- -- your actually letting the person is really there.

And in that sense yeah the the way people define perfect soul mate.

Is a fairy tale there's nobody who's just perfect and like that -- His ruling really scary because you're talking about something that people are saying I've heard that so many times from people fight for it -- and to get into what's examiner at the wrong person he's not the person -- married.

Right now it is it always the case.

Right well you know what wait what my wife Kathy says is instead of looking for finish -- should be looking for a great block of marble -- except you also -- -- vision for what.

And here's the Christian perspective on this.

Should -- vision for what god is doing in that person's life because you see flaws for you also see something great on him and you wanna be part of the process and you want that person to be part of the process.

You becoming who -- wants you to be -- there for you expect the conflicts we also expect her.

Ward well so what is one of the -- support profess their perspective what is the meaning of marriage that.

Well I in the medium -- or break -- apart says that the essence of marriage is actually the bow.

In essence of marriages you make a promise to be -- for through thick and thin first of all that creates.

Intimacy.

Because when you're just dating you know you've actually got to be always marketing yourself a little bit -- promoting yourself -- doing your best face literally.

And when you are marriage you know the other -- really gonna be there for you can actually start to be yourself -- you have -- place from which you can be vulnerable.

It's also -- create stability.

Studies show that if you look at marriages that are unhappy they say they're unhappy five years later.

If they haven't broken up more than two thirds of marriages -- say they're unhappy or happy five years later marriage the marriage -- keeps you together.

So the essence of marriages of -- I would actually say the Christian understanding the meaning of marriages that marriage is a sign of God's.

Self giving love for us and Jesus and if you give.

The same self giving love to one another even have a terrific marriage.

-- when word of things that the cultural kind of accepts what it was a Bible say about premarital sex the name a lot of people have talked with the for the little of anything specifically at that you shouldn't have sex before marriage when he sent.

I've actually hit it for so it doesn't come are gonna get in the verses -- that and the -- everywhere -- you should only have marriages and we have -- -- -- inside marriage.

The Bible assumes that sex is a sign.

Seek sex is becoming vulnerable.

Naked and giving yourself physically -- somebody.

The Bible says you shouldn't be doing their physically unless you're doing it in every other way you shouldn't make yourself vulnerable.

And give yourself to somebody physically unless you -- giving.

Yourself to a person every other way that means you're married them you're here you've given up your independence.

When that happens and sex becomes a sign it's.

This kind of antiquated and mean today's culture just accepts that people are gonna have sex outside of marriage people that'll live together -- a fan outside of marriage.

Because Christians actually believe that that the rules of sex and marriage in the Bible are we're not not just busy work to not arbitrary -- They reflect what how god made us.

I would say that in that when people have sex outside marriage.

Usually they've admitted to me that in the very beginning they wish the other person would be utterly committed -- in fact when you're.

Making -- you tend to say things like I always wanted to be with -- Right there you see that sexist obstacle along with lifetime commitment and the only way for you to get the place where I can have success -- marriage as draft actually cuts that.

The connection that got put there between lifetime commitment and sexual intimacy.

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