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Primarily comes -- -- look at their families now written a gun if you're up here I am.
-- if you're not up there I'm I got thrown -- -- it's a prayer for them patently obvious it's they have prayers my first unit actually spell the -- four down in the book you know of course.
I was round draft he has an effort -- prayers and kind of in jail and and -- in the Bahamas right Nationalists.
Here you're in jail I was I was in jail and and I didn't really know how to pray but I figured.
That I'd already -- I think that was you know it's a funny feeling and in -- life when you do is you can't pay anyone to fix your problem.
There's a doctor is Owen Nolan can help him.
-- I think wow I hope the maker of treason -- planets is out there.
And if I'm not the did you find got of that moment.
You know I felt something pretty intense and I can't say what it was but it was damn knives and I did -- as the as the guard for a viable.
And I he brought in and so I heard the Tony this homes we're gonna and so I picked this.
As I does that money go on the with on the in the president's Stockton who's losing in moves I was pretty scared what we do and in the -- in jail well I you know was on -- cruise ship own party in them and Freeport and ended up in the wrong place made some bad decisions have picked up on a controlled substance charge and and it was rough win was the bottom for you.
While there have been a number of bottoms I mean the thing that inspired me to change the most was.
Someone I love very much I if I know this this this sounds trite but I frightened someone with my behavior.
-- and then hurt me so bad to see that.
I decided I was doing anything to change even.
Take a look of my own personal defects and my own responsibility.
Personal destruction so is the love.
For somebody else -- I was -- YouTube and look inside in that same Julien after the you know -- -- and even at fault here as well in my maybe my hand was attached to that beer maybe is that everybody else who did that's -- -- you do wrong -- right name is that the whole world maybe I was maybe I was there was some substance itself.
We've spent so it's hard to come by the belief that maybe you were at -- -- well.
-- ads at -- yes not always but yes a lot.
Do you you could they got that Hermione and you could have beaten a blast and and in my hand with the -- bomb -- of surrealism.
Not in love myself so much but I did love someone you know did that make you change.
I'm doing pretty instance then but you know I have to be checked in big hospital and with a famous doctor had me every day for two months.
You know the story you tell in this book.
-- remarkable and it -- -- -- some of them but what made you do this now why why.
I'm just like -- you know I first volume and right it was honest and olive oil and embarrass anyone -- there.
And also I -- is on -- -- my whole life you know.
I was afraid of my mom and and then she died and I was a friend Vernon was edit room freeing for you when your parents died from him.
While you know my dad was -- soldier who had.
A lot of he used he he was that he thought I'm very proud and -- In -- near the end of his life we had a beautiful relationship.
But not until the end.
But my mom on the -- was pretty rough.
The things you talk about in your book that -- mother did to you it's hard to get my head on and I'm not the only one entry to say this year around the idea that apparent.
Would do this to a child -- and you're talking about.
Abusing you physically -- -- and not burning enough stuff to hook -- before this that was just having setting -- Sorenstam via.
How does and a -- and how you and -- even how you survived as as a child tiny -- process.
Com well I did have the made love to me that's a -- -- assessment is that anybody else alive and I -- had left it definitely was let me every day and a I I didn't really survive into I mean my life was full of all kinds of self destructive and we -- behavior and as saying older.
-- learned the trick of asking people for help because I needed now -- to have -- -- and another -- This room for fun what did you do.
That led to -- -- for obvious occasion -- Imus does something wrong why that is all my fault the I'm a bad person.
And I deserve it.
-- -- -- -- My first day of school I remember I walked up to a kid and I thought I'd try to make friends of them.
So I asked if you want to hit me because if you're gonna say do it for you humiliate -- really nicely there after his first.
-- -- -- -- Lenovo would love to -- So.
Do you your mother just stab you in what.
What do you recall the circumstances work.
I just recall being -- to stand still an open my mouth and then she.
Just -- my tongue about quarter and staff bench and use this a regular current now.
But you do -- do other things yes she did some other stuff.
-- was your father involved -- these duties.
While it was you know he didn't do this stuff around people mean he worked during the day but did he know about her behavior I think he found out later and and I have sketchy memories of her going away for a -- yeah.
Did you as a child you go to therapy and get help narrow growing up now because now I didn't.
I lived in place regionally.
You know like if you went to church and your clothes are clean and -- and you cut your grass you know you can you be a path.
You know ask questions about about anyone then that would seem to be you know part of the religious community well so so.
You knew you had this kind of secret.
The end of this was -- -- on but you didn't use this is known -- -- did you think this is what families do.
I -- of that.
You know in the end and I I didn't.
I don't know I don't know exactly what I perceive Lar of their large chunks of -- -- and I remember firm.
Question the lowest you've been I mean you'd you'd done -- you write this book about Bender she went on there being in the Bahamas you mentioned and Harlem crack house.
I mean I mean you know when one thinks of Darrell Hammond one doesn't think of this big star who is on this TV show for all these years and these environments.
The kind of -- over him believable had you wanna from the -- and frankly while I went to.
At the time.
There was a place in the those weeks ago after midnight maybe someone around and -- drugs and that you and I are designed to get some -- -- some like you know to.
Whenever -- relax have some Beers and -- But didn't have -- that night but there was this one big dude there and he was like you know -- at some of so much some and -- after a few Beers I did and he protected -- all night he knew I was on TV everyone in the car -- -- the company's path.
Nominee on TV muted in and you're indicting Hewlett TV yeah and denim on right now.
-- -- doing all right well via.
And had that.
Yeah it's a Hebert you have -- -- -- -- have gone to a crack house and we stayed.
And I had.
Yet until I saw this prayer.
And I guess analyst and then.
So prayer on the wall that I -- loved my -- line.
And then I -- started reading in the Caribbean -- It's called I think it's -- -- different sentences affirmed the first Saint Francis yes yes yes yes yes.
I silent prayer on the -- I hallucinating something like it was.
Some messages just children they see in his familiar piece and it's it just -- me and as I as a great career.
And I -- and and it it chilled me and I was hallucinating that has been reached out to from -- time.
As an hour and McCracken and yes -- like I Andy out here -- -- and I can't do Lou there it.
But throws human element -- in this if it is again.
Yeah I thought it was like he's got out of there -- I did and and and again I want me to account.
I -- -- in the one there isn't someone.
He wants from the camera Newsnight you know I just don't want to forget about tonight you know to get out of Duffy denied them -- and you went down for me and manages.
Saying you know about which one of dollars and outside the -- more Nat.
In only protecting me on my age to help them out of me and he went anyway and and he is a big -- and he was respected in the community.
And he in the drag community he was definitely.
-- -- As we have a -- in the practice in the crack houses he -- get a guy -- with the mayor of the creek he and -- something.
You know it's strange to see the things that go on in there as people are doing I've never I've heard all about -- that's real winner.
I mean just people taken a close -- clothes off for a dealer who.
Because they don't have money in and yet no -- it's actually turn on -- wrong with scissor like.
It can't be described -- -- -- never done and I would -- that I have you ever did was at a moment with them through after you so that prayer you had a McCracken who was -- of the Mona Lisa and I get a stop whatever it is I'm doing and yet but it wasn't enough for -- give up my own sense of victim my own sense of self -- my own sense.
I've been wrong I didn't I didn't deserve -- I mean you know.
I would if you like do -- basketball.
And -- -- and a well I can basketball sometimes you try to -- draw fell from the free and you can make accurate yeah well I was looking and for a way to blame someone from my problems so.
I don't know how that works for others I can tell -- that -- good for me and I mean.
It led me is in bad places.
We're the most startling moments in your book and again I could know the thing -- had -- really hard time processing.
Is when you called your parents and a and -- every citizen resulted in your mother saying don't ever of communism the cluster them being treated for Cornell university hospital with symptoms.
-- a Prisoner of War.
That he and it's obviously you do your home was that prison and we well as and knowledge there was -- your house.
I am being treated they wanna send me notes from the unit the army -- people to and I wanna go job.
What happens when you talk to me an -- and -- Houston calling him.
What do you do after that -- -- Well get into the bottle.
Look I'll I'll -- to my side.
I'm you know is that is that I was on a bus.
And someone hijacked a bus into this is dangerous places in the -- -- looked up and I was driving the bus.
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