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-- -- blood -- -- -- they can't you -- it was things about you that I didn't know I know he's -- fourteen wasn't really -- right up on her.
Situations where it's just I mean you sitting down -- you.
These issues that have come up in my life I'm putting it.
Down onto Paper and putting it in the -- for the whole world to see.
And we can't do that you open yourself up to people judging you criticizing everything that comes along with it there aren't a few things in there that made me -- Wanna mom and I got that I've read -- there that the -- and the Olympic.
Someone take you to a bar.
At fourteen years old and -- pop -- out.
That's they'll match what was going through your mind at that moment and what's going through your mind now as a mother well I mean.
Union EU are very much of a motherly role model for me but I think profit fell back again to count -- in the -- thing and I found myself in situations that I shouldn't happen and cost fourteen didn't outweighs.
You've got say -- that it right I need to go home you know I wanted to edit.
I think that.
-- he's feeling that you had or your parents -- -- days.
I know a lot -- -- will go off my parents got divorced at a young age students so what's so different on my parents only that there are getting a divorce and a couple months before the Olympic.
I kind of shut -- down deep.
Continued training cried my eyes out -- I never talked my parents about the divorce that's going on -- island and I have.
You know and that's the that's -- day.
I come home and I go through puberty -- -- struggle.
Honestly it was a snowball effect when people look at you or is it when they look at me -- -- I think -- -- Seven time on them and they they -- all the great things about you.
-- what's going on behind the spotlight by starling went in trying to deal went along the way and that's what I mean.
Really matters what -- made at the personality are now thinking it was -- First time with an act like -- -- -- After that accident the feelings that you would get what would make you wanna do it how you felt after you cut it.
Did start accidentally.
-- I was an argument starts scratching myself when lots written argument let down and I'm glad.
Incentive you know oh my goodness completing -- you know having those type of feelings I had just a sense of relief and com you feel embarrassed.
A -- and I felt stupid on my -- -- actually posted this on you know this woman who can conquer anything.
And I get into you know cutting -- people from the outside look and I'm sure.
They will say.
Well Amanda I mean you know she could be going through all -- stuff his body image problems she's posing in Playboy and on the cover and ask them how did you do that.
I think a lot of people -- like -- here's -- -- -- something must be confident on your body.
No it's not always fun putting a song played on because -- gained five pounds.
You can't Wear baggy clothing you know you're an exclusive I would get a huge confidence this when I would be approached to do any sort of photo shoot them on my goodness -- think I'm beautiful to -- -- as to.
So -- -- -- in the air like feeling really excited about it.
And saying I didn't do it for hours -- make up tying has handled lighting.
And in and product it's Photoshop like crazy.
And I look at the picture and they go -- not me that is not how I wake up in the morning so -- -- ended up feeling worse about myself because.
The hurt and -- -- I was watching around greeting everybody saying Kyle wasn't that -- -- person with the lighting in the Photoshop walking around though.
I struggle to live up to the expectations.
Of those magazines being.
Out there and now you're getting ready this just freaks me out I am I ever thought it would be sitting here -- knew Amanda Beard.
Getting ready to be in your bit.
You're going to be hit consecutive Olympics maybe only -- -- why I hate how -- -- -- -- -- The way I haven't got it 2030 years from now I wanna look back and know while I was still -- -- -- capable of doing sport and still enjoyed it.
I don't want to have -- regret what I could -- -- 678.
It happened but Olympics.
Can guarantee that promise you that I don't want -- regrets I want -- and knowing that OK and last at all apple on -- on I don't wanna be like.
Still -- -- come back out on time you know I'd like.
I'm gonna keep doing it and I'm sure there'll be at a time when exposed to retire when we're watching you in lending weight well.
What are you watching -- it didn't know.
Just -- -- and one.
Just outlook for the sport and it's a sport.
Did and entertain you know it best be entertaining other -- -- -- worked out but to get to this point that out of the orient.
But you know -- ended the day.
This gold medals and all of those world record.
Could Karen last week discussing and -- -- -- but typically when you're sitting around the dinner table playing cards -- on.
-- what about my -- gold medal and all the great things I've done.
It's it's an honor it's amazing.
But it's not the number one priority.
I'm gonna do everything my possibility.
To be on the top -- -- But I'm not there on and enjoy the process of trying to get there how about if you're looking at it here you now.
Great for the for the Olympic.
And you've got fourteen year old little girl -- and that is about to make it when it -- what you gonna help her.
I -- to be liked how you -- in my life.
I would just really -- Reaffirmed.
And are there you know view.
We'll help guide you right back.
-- in Atlanta and we will -- that.
You know god who look at your fingers.
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