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Why do people lie?

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    Author Steven Gaffney looks at how dishonesty was a major part of recent political scandals

  • Duration 7:32
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This transcript is automatically generated

This is a lovely Segway that we have today we're going to be talking about national.

Honesty -- got these series and honesty expert.

I guess you tell the truth about time and I think the author of honesty works just be honest and honesty sells good to have -- Stephen.

Thank you haven't meet so all my mirror one of the things -- pounded into buying a little pea brain when I was growing up was.

If you just telling the truth of the matter how bad it is I would never get mad at you that he totally -- which said that because.

A how to be a couple times.

But nonetheless the point was you -- be honest and you know you clear everything up you get everything out on the table.

And ultimately.

It'll it'll ultimately end up okay.

Why then do americans' lives.

Well because they get afraid a good example -- with all due respect to your mom.

Often people say I love honesty -- companies have plaques about it in you know in their vision statement we believe in honesty.

And then when people tell the truth.

They -- -- leaders get defensive and sometimes people lose their job so we.

We say we love honesty but the truth is we often model behavior that actually -- -- people.

To be out dishonest the good news is there's so much that we can do to fix this situation.

Like what.

Well one of the things is to model the behavior that we want and that demonstrates honesty -- good example is companies.

Telling the truth and being full disclosure.

And also when people having a difficult time that they're upfront about this and one of the ways that we cause people to be dishonest.

Is when we get defensive for example of you ever had somebody say listen you can tell me anything everything's okay.

And then you give them some honest feedback and they flip out Exxon asking for honest feedback -- say forget it I'm not gonna go there and I don't blame you and I don't blame other people when that happens.

Even he can't believe people though for one names have honesty but that also been having.

On his visceral reaction.

To use something that might hurt their feelings.

Yes that's true but we do need to be aware that when we create that.

And we don't balance that win.

OK listen I understand and I'm getting upset but I really do appreciate you being honest we don't reward honesty then of course people are gonna continue to lie in fact.

I don't know if you know this but there was a study done.

Years ago.

But the reported that 91%.

Of people -- regularly 91%.

I ask you saw the other 9% I -- errors are we talking about little white lies.

No well sometimes people say well it's a white lie.

But I think the biggest problem in that why people -- regularly -- lies of withholding yes the big problem is not what people say it's what they don't say for example.

Well yes yeah yeah -- -- -- little argument about so I still in the morning how are you Allah whoever can I ask you in the morning how are you.

And you say your find that you really hemming you know stomach pains when you -- you don't want -- got -- -- -- I can sit and analyze.

-- abusing -- and analyze how many times today says.

SS Julio -- I.

Remember back.

Well again going back to that research 91% of people -- regularly and I think the other 9%.

Why because we all -- we all get afraid and we have all kinds of rationalizations it's a white lie.

You know I wasn't trying to hurt somebody's feelings but let me ask you this have you ever had somebody not say something.

And then there they have -- is something to you and then they told you later what they really felt and they said I just didn't want to hurt your feelings yeah and you think you know what.

I -- it would have hurt my feelings but I could have dealt with it when I can't deal with is -- lives.

See I think it I think I guess it depends on that the relationship you know you're dealing with somebody at work it could be.

You thought you might have to deal with that one way for dealing with you know let's say you're breaking up with your your boyfriend.

And you don't -- -- you don't -- them when they're pathetic but he also don't want to dispute.

You know aren't they look at it isn't you it's me but -- you know nobody ever believes that kind of stuff.

The so I he had been the situation all circumstances obviously haven't definitely have a.

The facts.

Well sure but and I'm not talking about I'm talking about honesty I'm not talking about brutality hacker -- coffee.

It is not.

What about being honest in fact I remember I -- a participant in a seminar she said I'm glad you're here because I believe in honesty and people don't respect honesty in this company.

That's a once you give me an example.

-- -- what I tell people when they're jerk I tell on their -- Well again that's -- name calling is not what we're talking about we're talking about telling the truth and something you brought up earlier you know when somebody says.

It's not you it's me we all know that's a joke.

Why don't we just tell the truth -- say look I don't wanna go there and it's over whatever they cases is so important to be authentic.

Yes I agree with you -- -- and one of the little bullet points that I had here that are produces for together.

Is how to detect a -- and you say that there are nine major indicators these are of course we'll make you paranoid and I don't think that.

-- me but but I can't.

The global.

-- kind of somewhat touched on where somebody actually doesn't say truthfully there -- emotions -- what's going on so actually one indicator is somebody who always shows the same emotion.

For example have you ever had somebody.

Where you've asked them how you doing and they only -- great great everything's great you know what.

Not everything's great sometimes we have good days sometimes we have bad days.

Anybody who shows you won -- motion is often indicating that they are lying about other things another thing that actually is a big indicator.

Is watch two people associated with -- people who associate we're liars are generally a liar.

And one way you can do indicate how find out how somebody really is is watch how they treat other people.

If -- back -- they talk behind your back course other people's back guess what one day they're gonna do it to you.

Yet seems so obvious but subject you're like well I'll never get back to me of course that I have a special relations don't want their honest and they get they just say to people what -- think.

I tell people what they think and it really angers people but you know they love me.

Well okay -- and that happens but then a lot of those folks that I encounter they use that as rationalizations why I'm not gonna be up front because they got upset you know what.

Move on -- the point is just say what you need to say and it kind of you know we might say -- up person up.

Save the truth and you look -- -- -- your question I think older people do that a lot more mean we just don't put up with it.

-- will be an example that you've seen.

I mean just an older people -- tend to say hey I don't wanna go I don't you know we make say on -- -- you know I haven't unemployment.

-- -- world that's we just say hey I don't -- about -- well.

And here's the thing that number one reason why people why the number one reason is there are afraid.

They're afraid of what other people are going to think if we do tell the truth.

You know and as as the generations and they get older and we have this big huge baby boomers in their move into retirement I think we need to remind ourselves.

Until -- that age we don't know what it's like to -- -- so what can we do if we have older parents -- and in dealing with anybody.

Is make people feel safe to really say the truth and not embarrass them for telling the truth.

The man who never -- sustained his sister honesty Steve Gaffney thanks very much so your honor -- your books -- honesty works just the honesty.

Just be honest Stevie and honesty cells and where can we find more information about you.

If -- -- just be honest dot com just be honest dot com and I'll be more than happy.

To send them the article about the other indicators about people who lie yes definitely okay cool thank you so much for joining us today we appreciate it.

We hope -- thank you for having us thank you very much very.

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