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Choose the life you want

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    Tal Ben-Shahar on 101 ways to create your own road to happiness

  • Duration 5:11
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Adds some really interesting suggestions -- -- very very good -- -- for a guy who teaches who tots need most popular class at Harvard.

Is that true yet he I think I think he's got he's probably listened to him using his -- that's -- hard he's the author of choose the life you want.

So welcome thank you for me I'm joining us so you've had you had a late changing lesson did a lot of world traveling.

And through those travels -- the people that you met the experiences that you had.

Something happened to you tell us all about.

Right so was the end of a very long and I.

Few months of traveling and teaching I was exhausted.

And the next baton to have a three day seminar and I said to myself come on -- -- make it through.

And then I say well I have no choice I just have to to -- -- somehow.

Somehow do it.

And I just before I was falling asleep I said wait a minute it's not that I don't have a choice I do have a choice I have a choice.

Regarding what I focus on.

When I -- going focus on the privilege that I have to be sharing what I care about most there's.

And I have a choice while the kind of energy that I bring.

And as soon as I realize that I had a choice of course want to choose was easy.

But it was getting to that point realizing that there is a choice but every moment you know -- want.

Why -- offended some people choose I mean I like -- that I am I type my motto is choose happiness but sometimes you just you just.

Physiologically I don't know what is your body just needs to kind of he sat and and get through that and you know and that's also a choice and it's OK to be said no and no one experiences a constant high we will go through these.

That's sad to -- disappointments.

Anger and -- we all have these emotions and yet at the same time.

But every moment even doing those moments we have a choice do we experience it which is.

Perhaps the healthy.

That approach.

-- do we choose to to focus and something else you say it's not it's not the big choices it's it's the little choices now I mean it was just some folks out there.

This may sound like very esoteric you know give us -- would give us some some some -- people examples of what we're talking.

So for example -- likes it -- sits.

Stewed over or do I sit up straight from this affects my mood.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- You want take for granted.

What I have.

My family or friends well supposedly take it for granted and these are and many choices more choices.

And uncompetitive to a brick it was like -- -- and together they make up the road.

-- -- -- I bestselling people asking you questions about marital problems relationship problems or.

What would you say to somebody -- And then literally since I don't want the -- being treated you know but but I I can't seem to get out of that I still love this person and what kind of advice would you give to that person because there's there are choices that you can make but people fear the unknown.

Right so the first thing about relationships is that there is no perfect relationship.

And they're always ups and downs are difficulties and and hardships and in fact would research has shown.

Is that -- -- within relationship he's happy because it's true that's -- who can learn about the other about ourselves we can grow.

And so conference is OK second.

And at every moment it's it's a question of what do we choose to focus on in our partner.

Because no person is purposeful and always -- focus on defaults and we have a choice to also focus on their virtues.

How about the last question how about toxic people people that you have in your lives they could be relatives they could be I have a friend who has.

A cousin who I had him -- some relatively new -- this cousin really came down on me because I didn't show up for dinner that I was forced to go to.

Really got upset with me and I felt very toxic and I thought they really needed to keep away from him but I need I want her in my life I don't hear -- life.

How do you deal with situations like that.

Yes the first of all there is the the big -- -- that we can make not to interact with these people and -- and that's certainly valid the other choice -- could make it as a week and terror.

And interaction.

Is to sit let me take this is a challenge -- -- see I can keep my center.

If I can be generous benevolent and kind Iran that person and then it's no longer -- threatening interaction it's a challenging interaction.

Very different perception different choice different reaction.

Do you think there's some people who are accident was -- -- -- -- that -- -- do you think there's some people that I just -- in misery are used to be.

Used to being unhappy that it's it's typical almost -- the most uncomfortable for them to be happy you know what once we've made a choice many times in the pops and becomes second nature automatic -- to reverse that.

Takes time possible that takes time.

He -- being mindful.

Being conscious of the -- that -- -- right -- then -- car book is called choose like you want and it's out of bookstores Amazon we can do all that.

Business he's in much of anything can appreciate it's I can't reach it really get through this but these habitats but celebrity right before that -- -- down primary take a break we'll be right back stay with us.

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