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Radio host and author Larry Elder sat down with Alan to talk about his book “Dear Father, Dear Son”, an incredible eight hour conversation that tr...
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I'm Alan Colmes welcome.
And -- friendly doesn't know Larry elders -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- And he is a big radio star in Los Angeles and KBC.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- I don't the government should be involved in the positions now you and I sent to me in your show and every years ago in my first book came out -- I have I have -- -- -- lobby here to get to unless which is how it happened.
Tell me about this is -- not this is a non live.
-- book it's the first and only non political book -- ever written Allen in this book about my father is to 247.
Page apology to the man real my father was a month report marine.
They were the first black Marines yeah and my father was a mean tough task will be and a Republican right and I hated him you usually usually -- anyway -- I think I'd hate him because these -- no kidding -- he was just mean -- -- And down.
My there was a janitor he worked two full time job with the -- cook for -- -- the weekend and -- tonight's what it might get a -- so he edit and and he worked very hard -- present when the reason you so -- -- average about four hours of of sleep a night -- effort for decades of Brothers sisters two Brothers all of us -- us -- -- about my father were afraid of him we we walked run in my church -- You never -- he's gonna blow up now just to get I don't wanna -- the whole story here but he did pass away recently but he -- know about this -- all we are -- he died right after I finished the book and as I was writing and I would read passages to and kept asking me why was I quote writing about his little life class quote and the reason I wrote about -- -- is because my dad and I had a -- when I was fifteen years -- I'd like to say that I sat down and told him off Micah -- Mono mono but I didn't I was afraid of my father.
So my dad as a Mitchell's a janitor he say this nickel and -- and start -- little cafe.
And all the work for him so I didn't get along with them before imagine working for this guy yeah it's -- fifteen years old and I got tired of the way he was -- me I walked out in my dad -- I didn't I did not speak on for ten years -- at the age of fifteen to fifteen right did you leave home well for two years we're in the same house.
People ask me how did you manage that was kind of easy my dad worked late hours out of the school into Ecstasy can kind of avoid each other in the house for a day in the when I was seventeen I went away to college in new England and went to law school in the midwest try to come back home -- 25 years and that Cowell we're Brothers and a guy like -- of my older -- street if you're older -- younger brother is fifteen months I NC where they -- -- -- know nobody -- now and what about your mom.
Well my mom and he were married for 56 years and it was that kind of -- -- you know nobody.
Held hands and kissed and that I love -- was kind of mood of the mother -- sevens and a unity -- -- -- your kid and she -- she didn't want time and I reminded -- of all the things he told me about my -- she didn't likened I would quote her she got even more angry about quarter Syrian -- they're too early either Obama and I are very different we got along great.
It's it's just that people ask why did my mom do more to intervene trying to do things in better if that my -- idea had a frosty relationship as well I don't know -- don't know that she had the ability to do that really sent out to -- I'm away in in practicing law in Ohio -- And I can't sleep I'm starting to think about my father for some reason I wanted to just tell him how I felt that -- when Israel 25 years old I had no idea that we would be able to reconcile the relationship reading -- I wanted to I want to tell him off.
When -- on how I felt I never had before what what do you think spurred -- on.
Well I have the uncle named -- it turns out that my uncle.
Knew my dad before my mom that my father is just completely fortuitous -- I happen and moved to Cleveland my mother's brother Thurmond lived there and Thurman and I became friends and I found out surprise surprise you know -- -- your dad we're mark do you really.
And actively sort of they extend to and after I was shocked that I was saying -- gave me hold it in perspective told me that your father was not that way at all.
Which -- not reading him fairly he worked his butt off fewer appreciate how hard -- background was.
I knew nothing about my photograph during the depression -- my father grew up during the depression.
Only child.
Illiterate mother in it.
Jim Crow south and he was kicked out of the house when he was thirteen invest a lot of discriminate -- -- if you don't have these thirteen -- mothers have been boyfriend never to return.
And so none of which I knew until I sat down with his editors that he can take added thirteen and you at fifteen -- -- -- I've sever the early right.
Yeah and so I'm I'm I caught a flight back to LA and didn't tell my dad or my -- I was coming home.
I walked into the little cafe and massive -- and wanna talk -- I think there's like that after how many years ten.
In ten year ten years haven't spoken word to each other.
He was surprised.
And I think it would be about a ten minute conversation -- tell you the son of -- -- you tell me that he didn't hear that will be there at least -- would talent these are still better so you had been before we get to that covers a year hear your comment LA so you're dead.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- So we walked down I sit down we said in two chairs.
And none of that came out.
I just I just.
Unleashed on -- -- it wasn't it was a classy wasn't.
And some rough language for yeah very rough language my -- just sat there and took at all.
And then very quietly said I was a better far.
-- looked to me.
Not dispersed from ever heard him say anything about his father turns out there's no whose father was never meant as a unit -- -- grandpa now.
The -- -- elder was the mother's boyfriend -- in his mom's life the longest who never married his mother.
My dad -- know whose biological father is and this man elder was an alcoholic who beat both him him and my dad did you know -- grown up not new none of this season all came out in -- eight hour conversation.
And in this book is called dear father -- your son to realise eight hours how he more from being the son of a -- Do this kind caring sensitive inspiration that I completely -- misunderstood.
-- so.
Yeah we use -- -- they're scared has my dad in Korea -- -- but -- sort of didn't care -- I was almost even shake you figure this is an -- is saying leave and around right end of it got that closure on the relate right affect it too big bags my debt to do and put the bags in the back -- an addendum.
I'm only going to be here for a minute I think -- -- be there about ten minutes.
We set there.
For eight hours the only time we got up for was for bathroom breaks I told him everything he ever done in my dad would respond and tell me why he did what he did or he wouldn't remember or he would feel that I.
It exaggerated it or he would feel that I was make it to the of the deal -- -- anger.
Not the least very -- And for the first time I saw my dad cry when he talked about his.
Mother it turns out for five years he thought the woman raising him was his mother.
It wasn't the kids in the neighborhood were informed him that it was his grandmother.
He had a fight with some kid comes running home bleeding to the grandmother and to please please tell me you're not my grandmother -- my mother.
And she sat him down she said no ran I -- your grandmother.
Well and sold -- the woman who's his Montana came in and out of his life and one day she came in god and he never saw a grandmother again.
And she was kind of a drifter.
They would skip -- and should have series a boyfriend to mention the Manning elder and my dad -- very unstable life.
And then he had a fight with her mom has his mother's then boyfriend when he was thirteen and he was thrown out of the house because the -- -- with the boyfriend and my dad never returned.
Up until the time you had this talk this -- -- -- -- just would be ten minutes we do -- -- -- how did you.
Navigate your own relationships.
Given that.
You didn't have perhaps good role models and your -- -- used him as an anti role model.
I promised my -- wasn't going to be like my father.
And I wasn't -- -- my father to thwart my ambitions so anything he gave me fuel sometimes I would -- you're very accomplished -- -- at a young age you were going to be law firm and in Cleveland you're injured when he right.
Probably making d.s and money doing that a lot of nuclear.
And it didn't want to make him at a I don't -- But so we know is that I was at Mitchell report viewed as there.
What -- you don't regret.
So are you know you're you're very accomplished -- -- at a very young in right but I was always driven always ambitious my mother always expected a lot of me I expect a lot of myself.
But I would use my dad to make sure that I was gonna stay working hard -- with my dad's attitude towards me.
Deter me from being successful my dad had no attitude against me.
He he was my cheerleader all along I just didn't know it.
-- so what was the biggest revelation in that eight hour conversation I -- -- married before twice.
I never known Norton the first marriage was -- -- what are you telling me it is like what -- keep this one was little -- properly I said that to him and he said -- he didn't think it was important.
-- and it was relevant if it's a generational thing I guess that I think it is is that Tom -- on -- greatest generation World War II generation I think that's it either of those guys on the silent sighs don't we have solid in.
Stolid and they didn't remote.
They didn't tell you they love you -- was not Ward Cleaver that generation just wasn't so.
The eight as -- show you started to say the things that that really stood out in the eight hours of things that really -- you married before he's married he and -- twice before questions but I just before he married some woman and the Stanley thought my dad was not -- not worthy of this girl and so they try to turn down to the courthouse and got the marriage annulled.
The second marriage was Mary -- married seven years.
I -- how long -- months seven years the uniform officers -- enough and now are infected us when the recently divorced -- cheated on him and secondly she couldn't have children.
And so my dad divorced her and -- -- -- -- So that's got to be in mind blowing experience -- thinking on in for ten minute -- get closure never see your -- again and here you're sitting down have in his heart to heart talk right.
Like it in this restaurant in south and in and from the Pico union area which is not too far from the convention center which is heavily Hispanic gang infested area right now.
And -- Diaz has had this restaurant they are for all these years in all these gang bangers know him and love him and respect him my -- -- walked out every night Allen with -- brown bag of cash money.
And sometimes -- -- into one of the gang members who hold it while he opens the door for my daddy gets into his car did your mom know you're making this.
So -- he has no idea.
She had no idea.
Do you -- -- share does anybody know what I want to do it on my own it and winning any any advice guidance counseling wanted to get it off my chest and then I would.
After I told him -- I would hang out and go to the beach or something happen.
When it -- take a quick regular on here than what happen after the hour conversation leading up to his unfortunate death just a couple of years ago.
I'm Alex comes Larry -- our guest here I'm in Los Angeles and -- BC an afternoon drive time and he -- written on your father dear son she lives eight hours.
He also -- a best selling book.
Previously ten things you can't say in America and you say that yet and that's ethnic sent him out I thought and he couldn't say when you're into ethnic and -- Larry is.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- You finally confront them after ten years in which -- -- would be attending towers each with an eight hour conversation.
He kind of spilled the beans about a lot of -- he never talked about -- showed some emotion right what happens after that.
Well we -- very slowly Allen became very good friend to the point where I -- I became even closer or with my dad and I am with my mom my mom and I were very very different I think part of it -- -- wanted to make up for lost ground who started doing stuff together going places together.
Just talking casually.
And then I relocated to to LA in 1994 and we became even closer than.
We did -- Brothers at the -- expert accusing you asked that the you for asking that -- My little brother died a long time ago he was diabetic so he never reconcile with my dad after I had this eight -- conversation with my father.
I call my older brother and we had dinner.
Man I told him what happened.
And I told him he needed to call dad and the need we need to sit down and talk he said -- now.
And -- to some of the -- I'm not doing it and he told me of all the fights he had with my father pretty much the same experience I had.
But I was adamant and my brother with stopper and -- nothing's gonna happen.
I'm over my dad's house a week later my guess is -- some lingering thing happen that way if it.
Your brother -- call and he came over wanted to talk we got three our conversation.
Well there's -- -- -- eight -- of Matsuzaka part of my brother did it didn't want me -- know the he'd done it why would -- winded and didn't want me to know that my brother had -- both of -- had this attitude yet we're not -- we're not gonna cry when I reach out today at pride he has -- dad to -- happened remember that he wanted to know that my conversation had him moved him I think.
So -- did your father become a changed man you know over the years is that.
I think both of his head someone once asked me what.
Do you regret that you didn't do this sooner I wasn't ready and on the my game was -- -- I think both of us ready at that time you ever think about what -- life would have been like had you not made that move in the first place to confront your.
-- your life movement I think I would have been.
Worse off I would have been -- -- that -- -- a hole in my soul I still would have had an unresolved.
An issue with my dad.
When -- talked about this book and just the other day are just now I was that you're the facility.
And -- Reporter over there asking about the book and I told her -- she said.
-- I just handed a conversation with my father not having spoken him for 25 years.
You know I just think there's so many people of who probably have this going on their lives -- and a strange man.
And they don't know.
Had to heal that hole that they have of course which under -- you didn't -- they are looking and he'll help.
The relationship you and if there really isn't literally TI I I would like to say that I was heroic and I thought that's gonna happen but -- but I did not think it was gonna happen at all -- I came their attitude to to be -- this guy.
And -- what I thought about him and I figured he would.
You know say something that would be often that would be that I had no idea -- That human being was in there I have no idea completely -- in the way I had and I had no idea he would respond the way he -- what do you think it was that triggered.
Very different reaction when you expected when you went and confronted.
-- -- -- -- I thought.
The person in front and he was a different human being then that person -- really was that's what triggered it I was just wrong.
-- -- would he -- he worked his butt off -- paid the bills he never came home drunk he never.
Did drugs who never slapped anybody -- you was physically abusive to my mother he was a good man I just didn't like him I thought it was hostile but it was.
Just one mean all embrace in the that would have family outings and I mention this in the book Alan.
My first baseball game was the Dodgers played the Milwaukee braves in this second inning somebody had one of those horns -- -- on the -- them -- real laugh out.
So right my dad's here -- -- -- -- blows up.
And at that point the whole outing now is is it is bad because my dad in the bad mood nobody knows what to say to him a talk with a time went to Disneyland same thing but -- -- from the roller coaster.
And he hurts his neck now isn't bad mood and until we don't wanna even do anything with them -- -- and it always goes man every -- good credit is let let's -- -- -- Helena I can't say that you can't you don't wanna go -- you have to go.
And so here we are with my father you never know what's going to (%expletive) him off and whether or not the thing that pissed him off yesterday it would (%expletive) him off Tuesday because sometimes.
-- -- would -- you would assume there was gonna blow up he doesn't in the something minor what happened he would blow up just never -- there's going to be tough and then again at the and ability of the relationships -- -- find yourself attracting people who are angry hostile.
-- the people you -- to your life be.
Become different entity relationship with your dad I don't know about that part I do think however that the reason I never got married and don't have children it was because I didn't want my kids to think about me the way I thought about my father I never -- -- my kids to hate me the way -- -- my dad is an easy for you now -- that you've had this it is easier but I'm I'm now old and now.
They -- but I mean you know there.
I don't have the same energy -- to run around with a little kid both that I did at 2030 years ago but I know that it does mean you can't -- -- your life doesn't mean I can't but I know that my imprinting was such that I did not -- -- have.
Any -- think about me the -- -- -- have you been able to have relationships over the years.
I think so I haven't.
I'm not in therapy I've been able to I mean it's -- -- it's nothing wrong with therapy but I'm -- the European never have been but I non fine.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- What's your reaction I did an oddly my mom with somewhat bothered by how close I've become with my father I think she thought it threatened -- our intimacy.
And I assure her that they wouldn't and after she saw that it wouldn't she began to use my.
My relationship with my father to get my -- do -- -- otherwise wouldn't do my dad and my mom almost never went out to dinner so they they -- they became having a better -- he sure did I inspired.
A better relationship between my dad and my brother and I think I improved to some degree my relationship and the rest of my mom and my dad so when your mom your mom died first right she did she -- In -- happy -- a happy place emotionally in terms of her relationship injured and yes yes US and -- -- with appeared on my show every Friday for one hour.
For almost ten years.
And she appeared on a Friday and a woman called up from from on North Carolina -- -- on -- -- -- was national and she said.
Larry your mother isn't just your mother your mother is America's mom that was on Friday my mom was dead on Tuesday.
Real -- who's diabetic and she just died suddenly.
And my mom was nine years younger than my father so we all -- -- there was gonna die first infect my dad -- for more years bush I warriors who were your last time when -- deadline.
Credited.
Head of the relationship closeout at the end of this line I'm well the last time I saw my dad he was beginning to have a little bit of dementia.
His marriage was failing the good news is -- I told my -- the same joke all the time he had this big beer belly laugh and both of you that my dad had a fake laugh -- a real -- -- belly -- as -- real laugh until I kept on the same joke over Hillary and you forget you forget -- -- event I -- people don't realize that outside of this.
But -- he was -- -- when when he died he was at -- I was at peace my brother was at peace with him he was it was that's when the people now now that you've done his book -- what are people gonna say well -- -- -- -- -- -- inflation.
United.
What advice do you would you give to people.
Who who would want to -- -- -- relationship is because.
What you did as we said earlier isn't really what -- intensity.
But it was let's say that's what you want to do and he had an ego about it I would say it's never too late.
I don't assume and there's nothing you can do when they're under the ground.
The were second happenings you can at least clarify -- positions.
I love the title look here father dear son to -- eight hours Larry Elder thank you very much for being here to thank -- -- my place.
