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How to survive the holidays with your in-laws

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    Advice from Dr. Keith Ablow

  • Duration 3:35
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-- Nobody's leaving it.

He's walking out of this -- -- fairly -- it's not and now we're all in this together this is a full blown or alarm holiday emergency here Kyra I.

It's best if it.

Just goes home.

And things yeah it's worse.

Any words -- look -- -- you read that all of bowel.

A.

Well just like the prison walls in Christmas vacation holidays can be full of -- tension.

So -- -- survive the holidays with your in laws joining us now.

Says it.

It is -- -- -- doctor keep.

Well -- -- the ambulance clue what's so bad about having the in laws around for the holidays.

Well there's nothing so bad about it although this study which goes back this is a study that -- in the mid eighties looking at 373.

Couples.

And basically finding this as one of the results of the study that women.

Who are closer.

To their in laws are more likely to get divorced 40% more likely.

Whereas men who are closer to their in laws are 20% more likely to stay married.

That's grind and -- -- I thought well the researchers theorize that the reason for this is that women tend to see the connectedness as intrusive meddling.

Whereas men feel warmed by this new family they're trying to.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Well what I'm really saying is that you can't draw many conclusions.

From this particular study funded by the NIH other then.

Going up a fiscal cliff should lead to some reflection about what the NIH funds because really when you think about it.

Studying marriage and finding -- that men should get close to their in laws and women should keep their distance.

What is supposed to do -- that.

I'll tell you what to do with it.

Have boundaries whether you're -- man or -- woman so that your family your nuclear family is really your focus you don't want your wife to feel undermined and you don't want to feel undermined if -- husband's -- thing I'm looking at the female side of this doctor -- -- As I think -- it's telling you so it.

That's -- to hear that -- I like to connect with the ladies that way but my wife in elixir of my wife is closer to my mom and dad.

Then we are more likely to get divorced so what are we saying that yes he should -- is it because that might marble spill the beans about me if she's gonna all that I -- when it.

She gets too close -- If -- to take any guidance from this study I guess -- go with the lead researchers says listen.

And she's the University of Michigan listen maybe that thing to do is to keep.

Firm boundaries so that if you get -- Things that your mom for instance is giving too much advice to your wife -- that closeness in coziness is tending toward the negative at that point and teller hate.

That golf -- you know just let us let us make these decisions.

Men don't seem to -- is sensitive to that they they apparently can get.

Feedback and and say look thank you but I'm gonna do this women they may hold a grudge the study suggesting I'm not saying that.

All men -- -- vessels so we know how we can get this from -- said with -- study.

-- -- -- -- look a little more deeply into it to speak for yourself I think there is some -- understudy but.

The other thing to be said this study is we get a look at the -- to find out why are we paying for this stuff -- -- -- -- went to this we got to go but it's a great -- it.

-- Iraq take care nothing well shrimp.

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