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How to talk someone who has suffered tragedy

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    Reinvent the way you talk

  • Duration 2:53
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And as we continue to mourn those lost in the shooting in Newtown Connecticut some I wonder how would I talked to somebody who has suffered such tragedy.

-- cantonal is the author of the power of zip and the power of zip in heaven like reinventing the way you talk one conversation at a time she's my -- right now.

It's sort of a continuation of what -- were just talking about -- -- cardinal but he said some time silence is golden your books are called zip it what do you mean.

I mean that.

Yeah -- -- caddy -- -- his noise pollution a lot of the time.

I think that if we listened to about 70% of the time and spoke maybe 30% of the time what we said it would have more Gretchen.

That means it would stick.

My son invented that name and his little -- I like it -- it makes it into -- said dictionary -- let's talk about Halloween would use that approach them.

If we know somebody who's lost somebody like in this horrific shooting.

What do you do.

I remember one time when I was going through some -- in my own line and there was a man who was a friend and they simply ask me what the latest the last I told him.

He stood next and -- an even hugged me.

But tears began to roll down his cheek.

And I'll never forget it because that was more than 35 years ago.

And I still remembered because I felt loved I felt hurt I felt compassion.

And I felt I could talk to -- you talk about the fact of being presence.

Yes I mean the world.

One of the things my parents taught me growing -- was when somebody dies don't just send a sympathy card and sign your name right memories about the person.

Oh yes is that also a good tactic I I do the same thing it's wonderful because.

People don't know the memories you have.

How you might say I remember when I was a little kid I would have teeth with sand today.

What a beautiful memory and maybe nobody in the family knew that she had reached out a little kids on the street that -- right.

And it's a collection of memories that they can keep yes what do you mean by -- were questions in your books.

America question does the kind of question you asked that has great power because it helps somebody else see themselves for the first time Naimi.

In a way they've never seen themselves before.

So is somebody is grieving.

And they're so overwhelmed is just so many feelings and they feel overwhelmed -- they -- -- inside -- that you might ask.

Well what's one thing your freedom.

And most important part of the question.

Is to zip it after US could we ask a powerful question.

If you keep talking after you ask the question you lessen the power of the question to such an interest in philosophy if people want to check out your books.

The power of the zip.

And then there's another one about the heavenly light.

And the -- -- camp now.

Thanks so much for your time today I appreciate the opportunity thank you can't.

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