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-- Hello welcome to -- -- I'm Dr.
-- by now all.
Most New Year's resolutions are falling to the west side.
And while losing -- weight eating healthy or quitting that bad habit are important to your mind and body.
There's another resolution that couples can work together that will have huge benefits in the bedroom.
-- the Laura Berman a sex and relationship expert TV personality and all there.
Is here today with some easy tips you can work into your relationship -- 2013 thank you for being here back -- Sex.
And I totally agree with my intro but it was to lose weight blah blah -- -- gave that up but you know I hope people continue to quit smoking which is what I really want them to do but.
Let's talk about resolutions regards to.
Your sex life yes.
-- the -- It's so important not only for your sex life but -- -- you're you know there's physical intimacy and emotional intimacy and you need to have -- to make a relationship work ends for most of last.
You know we get in our busy lives we have kids we have work -- -- mortgages and you know you just sort of take your hands off the wheel of your relationship you get lazy.
You put it on the back burner and things start to veer off course and there are simple things you can connect to -- you have to constantly.
-- connection in your relationship it needs as much work -- good relationship needs as much work as any other job deaths to give me the common themes that people who.
You know find themselves.
In two so what leads to the discord in the relations were talking sexually the most common problem is an even desire one partner wants it more than me out there.
It's -- road.
It do you.
Element that has lowered is that higher at about 30% of why is that others so many reasons that when guys don't tell you want a five man now have my desire to bat for -- and it's it's it can this overtime it's emotional medical -- relationship okay so.
If it's medical or physical it can have to usually has to do with hormones right.
If it's emotional can be exhaustion over stress depression.
-- but with the relations that.
So if you're watching you know and you and -- with a woman or your woman who has low desire you definitely -- look at the hormonal he's looking your medicine cabinet for the antidepressants -- thanks.
But you also want to look at your relationship.
But look let's talk about because I have you know I deliver babies -- couples from their twenties to their thirties to their forties.
And lack of sexual appetite.
It's pervasive surveys so when I look at it at 29 year old a woman who's been married now maybe four I don't know five or six years -- may be on her first baby.
Again that theme is the same and there's no hormonal issues that in your twenties and I would argue there's -- -- issues in your thirties.
Right well it's -- yes and less bad that things like half hormonal contraceptives can affects your birth Madrid's new -- Or.
Chronic stress turns out to have a hormonal of -- on women.
So but your right younger women are last at rest and it's really I think.
That's when you want to look at what you can do -- -- relationship because for all of us but especially for women.
Our main sexual organ is between our ears if we are not feeling.
Emotionally intimately connect it to the person we're gonna have sex -- we're not gonna wanna have sex with them and we're not gonna enjoy it when we did.
You know you wrote a great book it's not means you it's not -- -- -- you write about and I think attic and and I and I know the book.
And it seems to me.
That and again it's a cliche guys look at -- different.
Women look at six different.
In their relationship.
They -- too embarrassed to talk about it.
Right right and we are were not taught how to talk about about it it's a very simple equation here.
What a man needs to be happy in a relationship is a good sexual connection and to feel like he's doing a good job in the relationship.
What at one -- means is also -- -- much more along west but she got really needs to feel that appreciation but it's that connection.
So what's ironic is that the -- that men achieve that emotional connection is through the physical act of -- however.
Women aren't inspired to -- -- and last they have that emotional connection.
So it's about meeting each other in the middle women having more sacks than they might otherwise be physically inspired to have.
And men reaching out more emotionally with somebody has to make the first move.
-- someone asked and so that's what's so Alicia didn't give me some of the resolutions the first one is sharing your fantasy night long term relationship things can get stale and boring.
Write down all the fantasies you -- -- act out with each other you can check them out with each other first to make sure you're both on board put him -- -- box pick one out once a month and acted out.
But you don't think those -- disease could create.
I don't know.
If for some you know there's certain fantasies that a guy may -- have he might be offensive.
What you have to think you have to know your partner but don't don't be too good serve any of those -- -- -- event.
Anything you want -- act out with each other are not like with your neighbor or your wife's best friends like things that you want to bring back into the bedroom all right probably not okay.
The other thing you say is just kiss a lot kiss every you know what if you want your woman to have higher desire.
This is one thing you can do that will change your world if you make an appointment -- -- once or twice a week.
She do what I call -- demands kissing.
Where because women complain on the time to me I don't ever get kissed unless he's trying to get some things started -- were in the middle of doing some thanks actually.
They wanna be me -- -- they wanna be kissed and cuddled with outs the expectation of sacks no sacks and so if you tell how are we are not having sex carrying any circumstance.
I'm just gonna kiss and cuddle you for the next fifteen minutes with out the TV I'm.
And you try that you kissed her the way you most like to be cats do that she kisses U when she must -- -- -- do that for awhile.
You'll find if you do that several times a week and spend time talking.
You'll find that her libido will spike women tell me all the time when the pressure is off and she can get connected to her sensuality and feel that intimacy with her -- That's when things start to get inspired and many say none no honeymoon and have sex sorry I thought OK now mechanical -- anything.
-- -- Share your appreciation.
Still bay as a firm man and for women but if you start looking for things to appreciate about your mate you're gonna not only be much happier with them.
They're gonna feel better about you and start reaching out to you -- appreciation I tell couples this is something simple you can do you give your partner five genuine expressions of appreciation day.
Even -- things are supposed to be doing like say your partner always gives the -- -- back.
You know you say think you forget -- kids a bath tonight I really appreciate.
How you do that every night and I don't -- do and I can get other things done -- -- even things you all we all have our roles in the relationship.
It it's so simple but it makes a huge impact on the connection and this and of course these things have to go both ways I don't think about it as a tit for -- and this is one of the things that's so important you be the agent of change in the relationship it's not about.
You do it first or I do this -- you do it to me.
If you come to your partner with an open heart and you reach out to them you know they may depending on the -- disconnected the relationship it may take a little while but what I have found.
Is that if you change things in your south.
Then your partner almost always comes along.
And -- and the last one is practice gratitude.
-- and this is about appreciation as well but we spend so much time about complaining about our relationships.
It's really about looking for things to be thankful for and looking for ways.
That you can reach out to your partner and express the gratitude not only for your relationship but for the life that -- built together you know we spend so much time looking for what's wrong and I specialize in what's wrong in your relationship I understand that -- But if you start looking for things that are working.
You're gonna find that things start to spiral upward -- -- and downward and there is something to be sad for just.
Dealing like making a -- -- at least once and which is one of the things yet you want you wanna has had a weekly date night.
A weekly date night it means that it's written in stone you're not going out with five other couples -- to the movie what happens -- you have kids.
You it is it doesn't matter even if you don't have a lot of money put the kids to back it to -- -- on the front stoop with a glass of wine -- technology but spend -- -- at least two to four hours a week and if you really want to help your relationship.
Go away once or twice a year -- even for -- night.
Or two night with out the kids couples who do that have higher levels of emotional sexual intimacy -- couples who go on a weekly date night.
All right well listen great tips I think it's important IE I hope that folks out there.
And taken notes on this because I think that this is something that everybody has to work on and it's the beginning of the year after.
Relationships have to get oil W oiled up.
And and hopefully this is gonna benefit their their love and and and make them -- And I you my and you have to watch my -- -- but you know what you show you know what you showed tell -- about the show on the Oprah Winfrey network on on Tuesday nights at 10 PM eastern it's called in the bedroom.
-- -- -- -- -- -- You gotta we gotta what you show and where can people get more information about everything that you said -- today after our Berman dot com all right well thank you so much thank you might favor -- I love -- And if you have any health questions you -- told me about email me at fox.
I -- -- many at foxnews.com thanks for watching for Fox News I'm document.
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