New questions about Reeva Steenkamp's relationships
Dr. Keith Ablow weighs in
- Duration 4:00
- Date Feb 19, 2013
Dr. Keith Ablow weighs in
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New developments today in the murder investigation against Olympian Oscar -- -- -- in -- bail hearing today.
The -- -- said he did not intend to kill his girlfriend the -- amputees says he accidentally shot -- -- camp through a bathroom door.
Because he claimed he thought revote was still asleep in their bed and that an intruder had entered into the bathroom.
Police have said that there were previous domestic altercations at mr.
stories -- home but they don't say that -- any of those involved Reebok.
Meantime we -- learning that on the day she died she was supposed to give a speech to high school students about a previous abusive.
Back to keep that -- is a member of our -- at a place.
-- out -- that last piece of information it I is so potentially telling because women who are in abusive relationships unfortunately.
That emerges is a pattern in their lives.
Absolutely right you know you have women who again and again for some reason and some men.
Following patterns where they select men and they swear this one is quite different and two questions are three questions gets down.
To the facts which would indicate no this is somebody you gotta be really concerned about again because people do tend to repeat these patterns why.
I mean that -- and listen we don't know whether he was abusive toward her we don't know whether he's guilty of of intentionally killing her as a prosecutor says he is.
But it is an opportunity to explore this dynamic because why would a woman who not only admits she admitted that she was abused by her college boyfriend.
And she became an advocate so if she becomes an advocate and tries to empower others to avoid this behavior.
It it seems you know how could she be allowing it to go on simultaneously why would you -- -- -- -- got another man who was potentially abusive.
-- these patterns die.
You know slowly.
And sometimes -- maintained against all -- possible rational thought if you are a young girl for instance who felt unloved growing up never experienced unconditional love but wanted to feel safe.
Even though you were faced with abuse or you were faced with hostility.
Then you can literally.
On turn off.
That warning signal inside you that indicates this is somebody who I shouldn't be around why because it was unthinkable.
To believe you -- in that kind apparel.
And I see women again and again who won't admit.
That they weren't loved as girls and therefore they can't say this is not a real loving relationship as an adult in fact they reproduce it.
In order to be able to justify what happened to them earlier on.
You know I read a book once that you and you wind up choosing as your partner somebody who has -- -- the best qualities of your parents but the worst qualities of your parents why because you're seeking to it.
To have a read -- two to experience the situation again but with a better result.
I I think it's partly to show that your empowered now that you can effect change imagine if you're five or -- seven.
Or your eleven and you desperately.
Want to believe that your loved.
And yet you don't have data coming in.
That would confirm that what you -- -- -- you've become cuter more charming to try to get always well if it never comes to pass that you got that positive reinforcement you could keep going.
For a decade or two and find someone else and say you know -- my journey in life.
Is to turn this person who won't be loving toward me -- someone who does love me.
You have to go back and say listen I was lovable all along those folks around me they were pretty messed up.
But I it was a good and decent person so it all goes back to loving yourself enough to not let someone be -- -- Well again he denies the charges and we'll see how plays -- we're at a legal debate -- -- but this is an important aspect.
Really for life if from so many women in in South Africa this is a similar problem -- and an America as well doctor Abbott thanks for being here.