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7 steps to mastering the toxic emotions that sabotage you

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    Ken Lindner on how to handle feelings that destroy you

  • Duration 7:29
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Welcome back to Friday fun day -- the second half of our on the -- show fox.

Lifestyles.

We were just talking -- that doctor -- tableau of course.

About how the mind -- seen situations way you believe you might have.

An intraday -- center while the other side of the -- this story this story.

Is the prosecution's side.

They claim.

That he fought with -- -- -- verbally.

They I disagreed about something may have been a text from another guy and he then acted out of pure emotion.

In -- shooting up four times through that bathroom door if true.

Oscar -- stories might have been well advised to read this book.

You'll kill emotions spike can live -- -- is the founder of life choice psychology.

And joins us now -- great to see you thanks for being a first -- -- My pleasure Jonathan now I want to tell how.

It is your I wanna talk about did the entire book -- -- but -- you don't just could talk to real little bit back.

Toxic emotions as you call -- festival.

And how that could play into something.

Escalating as.

As much that it gets to the case of Mota.

-- Jonathan I have been counseling individuals for over thirty years thousands of them to make positive life choices.

And there is one process that I've noted time after time.

And that is if you are angry if you are enraged if you feel disrespected.

If you feel resentful jealous hopeless.

And you're about to make a life choice.

Many times you will wind up being overwhelmed by those emotions and you'll make a toxic life choice which.

Will sabotage you so -- -- your killer motions to help people master their emotions change the behaviors they need to change.

And break up their toxic scripting in this case.

-- -- -- the story this was so angry.

So enraged.

By allegedly.

Feeling betrayed.

He.

Appears to have or may have acted out of.

Anger.

And fired through the door obviously making itself.

Sabotaging.

-- choice not taking the time to be cognitively clear.

And think about the heinous consequences.

Of his.

Act.

Right and -- you we see we see this so often not probably I'm -- -- you know most of us have dealt with.

Those in intense emotions being really angry but you see it in public so often you know there's a story of I TV news -- locally here in New York.

Who is accused now choking his wife penny not one moment although he may have done it several times -- according to the evidence that is not one moment.

Can you do you really do change your life you can just screw everything -- to put it bluntly.

Yes and by the way I do represent that anchor and he allegedly.

He is told me he did not.

Retaliate.

Basically but you're a 100%.

Right.

That one.

Move.

By someone else can push your emotional buttons.

Can trigger you to make a very bad decision which you can -- which you.

Which can affect the rest of your life that a negative way one of the things I tell people is one.

You never want to make a decision when you are overwhelmed with -- -- you wanna step away.

Let yourself cooled down.

And think about what you really want out of every interaction and again think of the consequences.

And you never want to let somebody else's -- act trigger.

A bad act from you you always want to be strategically clear.

As to how you want to act and every situation.

And the and you talk a -- in the book -- about personal emotional.

Triggers what do you mean by that -- and identifying those -- mosque during them.

Yes Jonathan most of the things that we hate love.

I'll -- fear the most of the things that will break -- our scripts for example.

Yes it does somebody came to me and allegedly he his father died of -- cancer his brother died a soft -- cancer from alcoholism his father allegedly was abusive.

And he was having problems with his throat as well and he was afraid.

Every time that he would -- hit an emotional pothole.

He would reach for the bottle.

I asked him what it was that moved him the very most motivated him the very most -- -- an autistic daughter he didn't want to think about dying and losing her.

He didn't want to think about his mother burying yet another son.

I wanted to be there for.

His children's blessings -- graduation and there.

There weddings so I asked him.

Every time he was about to take that -- to think about his daughter being in an orphanage because he died and left her alone.

His mother having to bury him and him not being there.

Those personal emotional triggers -- being there for his kids in various different ways.

Made him stop.

-- -- Because we found something that motivated him war.

Then reaching for the bottle and this waging that emotional.

Need or -- or need -- And that is to drink and he stopped drinking they're after and to this day he's healthy and didn't talk to -- a little bit about what you call in the book crunch time.

We'll crunch time Jonathan is that moment.

When you are called upon to make a life choice and at that point you made.

Be overwhelmed by emotions so I have seven steps of emotion mastery.

The first four steps -- what I -- the prevent offense.

And they're designed to.

-- preparatory.

So that you are prepared to make every life choice.

In a positive way.

Just like -- -- just like a pilot has a flight plan before he or she goes up in the air.

You need to have a plan ahead of time.

If you want to stop drinking stop smoking not go after the bad guy of the bad girl.

Not let your emotional buttons be pushed by your mother or somebody at the office you need to know ahead of time what you're going to do.

That there has been a problem in the past and that you want to change that problem.

And opt for more constructive -- piece of behavior.

All right -- it's a great book -- -- by the way can I apologize that the funeral could spot there I have no idea that you would be.

-- agent for this particular anchor I apologize if that when you and a tough spot that.

Not not at all and thank you so much it's been a pleasant time pleasure to have you on can live at the altar of you'll killer emotions.

The seven steps to -- the toxic emotions -- An impulse is that sabotage you available can I guess of the iTunes bookstore Amazon.com and even -- -- -- -- bricks and mortar bookstore if anybody can find when these days.

Yes you are right great I have a wonderful weekend Canada thanks so much for being here not we get.

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