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Hi welcome back to this strategy around in a tight ship around here.
Lawrence -- -- filling in today for whoever usually does this hour I apologize I'm not sure.
Whitney today -- special guest bill shields from the show read I am sure you recognize him I think especially if you're talking about whether I appreciate it.
Think for the charity.
I was looking up -- -- our other special guests.
Jeffrey Ross also known as roast master like that.
On August except then I don't -- like that thank you.
Now in honor of George Carlin the -- George Carlin here are seven other words you won't hear on television.
And the Emmy goes to bumps to me.
Turning my joke on me and yeah.
They weren't hard on the on me guys are really work at it yet gotten him.
Hit it I mean that part.
This set us Thomas videos has a bigger budget and is this isn't the Internet -- Playing mafia wars while they want to know is Joseph Franklin here somewhere on some actually -- -- here on the weekend so -- lastly if you look.
America at its headquarters that's for a summit on Maryland and I'm so this is a really funny book but I really funny to me.
Unfortunately -- -- could be here today funny we by the way he -- me in his book you really let yourself -- off of that picture with any.
And -- so fit there.
This was before I didn't know because the jokes you want but -- my good friend.
You know Barney -- county meaning you also have a book out -- now.
I didn't I only roast the ones I love.
Which is a goofy title for the cumulative book that -- me mean things yeah.
It all comes from a place of affection.
-- thinking I mean to the people that you rose.
Love you at the end or do they always hold something against them.
I think the trick is to always have people leave the -- going that was so much fun I hope they -- me next time.
You want everyone to be in on it.
Then and there really funny and if you weren't funny obviously wouldn't be good at this -- you can't just beanie right right you have to.
Backhanded compliments play the best Ulysses build people up and then take them down a notch example.
Well you know like -- after the last summer a lot of people say Jesus Christ it's eagle is cutting getting out of control and I remember reading cubicle scholars talking about -- talk about this in the book but after -- John the Baptist standing up and making fun of Jesus is -- for.
Fourteen seasons with Robinson who think Jesus thanks flip flops I wish I kept everything -- mid summer camp.
Also have a passion of the Christ junk.
And those are one and there.
I I I heard about one that you told -- a benefit once they don't know appropriate for TV but in the Internet remember that I want to know -- -- tell -- Okay no I can't tell I could I don't know her very well but it was really relented and said.
-- -- them wanna take things right to the line right roasting you know roasting.
Is like the highest.
Compliment you can pay somebody unfiltered honesty in the form of a well crafted joke.
I saved Courtney Love life with Joseph let you take credit for sending her rehab I think the world gives me credit for shutting it -- Who roasting pan Mandalay and she was -- hot -- and throwing ice at me.
And I work hard -- these jokes like I worked weeks on the script and I'm performing it.
According to source coming after me she's attacking me and it was a benefit from Peta so you'd think somebody would have a stun gun or something.
It'd end and a quarter my if you -- -- towards me and I had a joke in my margins said.
How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse and Kurt Cobain.
I hope and I hadn't I don't know how well I -- -- -- in my margin like -- may be right Jimmy Kimmel could that would tell you do it that was really.
One of the joke that was most memorable from that -- and the next morning she checked herself into -- -- so roasting saves lives trying to form.
Yet -- -- to the -- what's the most negative reaction you got from a rose Steve there before I guess about the app stores like off camera tonight that some sort of threw for a loop.
-- Good question -- -- -- -- Jerry Lewis.
He enjoyed it very much but on the flight home the next day he had a minor heart attack.
-- -- -- -- Feels somewhat responsible.
For that could you talk about in the book haven't told you not to bring up Jerry Lewis telethon and that tells the -- and well they should.
You can't bring -- Jerry's kids.
And to me that becomes a challenge of how to like dance around it legal right to the line right.
And you -- Gerri you still have a good time because she's a legend he's one of the greatest comedians of all time and you know you what you want to have.
You know just the right joke you're gonna go there you better have the greatest joke ever and I said.
-- -- -- people are making fun of you today about.
I think what about the good things Jerry Lewis what about the fact -- just this past Labor Day.
A six year old kid got up out of -- wheel -- And walked for the first time to turn off to Jerry Lewis -- Now I just the rules and -- -- that remote.
Actually and it's did you get in ahead.
More than they I'd look at didn't deploy sort of blanket rule there is not a -- anyone over 82.
Because we have a heart attack -- you all the talk about even though I mean how many jokes they're running one but he he's dead right so.
And -- can you say about the man in batches.
I think it's time for -- the changes FaceBook status to resting in peace.
At a book party release -- book release party at the friars club and -- showed up and he was very very funny.
He was given -- a hard time for -- everybody's -- he's like I'm right here.
When you I mean anyone knows who you are and then all these -- and very successful obviously but.
Before that when you first started out -- -- you describe in the book how your very first rose -- -- god I.
And I didn't really not know the man that you were on the day as well these legends and how do you know what -- someone that you're kind of been on in the first.
Please you kind of figure out what everybody knows about them.
And and also because it was my first rose I wanted to be self deprecating.
I don't wanna run that looks too much swagger because Nolan knows land on the -- the youngest guy this -- to -- Clinton acted out.
Book literally no -- now.
And the -- when it.
Yeah Japanese and slightly -- it was it's a sweater vest he swagger that I think that problem with that forever 41.
I'm not famous enough to be roasted and nothing good -- And and get up there for Stephen -- and you would never met -- before in Poland Milton -- introduces me and I went -- king of the road sometime I've never met him either.
I look at -- Sort of look at an 11100 people who don't know -- if it.
Letting you don't know me but I feel uniquely qualified to be here today because -- all foolish -- there.
I was often -- And then you really and they only remember that I guess it went well that you were one of the best in -- Afterwards we'll -- I was roasting Senegal Milton Berle.
He kept poking me in the ribs from behind the podium nobody could see it every time I got a big laugh I got -- just like this and I would jump in the audience to but I had a -- And but -- -- -- got it's like a little like verbal sort of -- thing was very funny and but he packets are jumped in and there I am on the -- holding my own with these.
Legend has -- -- more of comedy.
And afterwards we go back to the friars club and I said to Buddy Hackett said.
Why is Milton poll -- -- like that that that means -- funny he does that too young comedians.
And it occurred to me that.
I had something special this was my Yankee Stadium the -- You walk into that room I just got.
You know -- -- it was like I wanted to do this and Milton gave me great advice he said they only remember the home runs and walked the walked up -- afterwards I asked him for advice -- -- -- -- cigar never smoke cigars before.
And he said they only remember the home runs and -- sticks with me and I do less time and just -- the big joke -- And think well that's pretty cool story millions last -- and -- -- Last rose was my first -- we don't want to pass -- as garbage time a little bit.
Now what are the rumors that you course Leachman -- had a -- affair ever since.
-- Dancing With The Stars episode.
Well she's definitely wanted it I -- -- -- I have eyes I think that's out of sync then yeah there's a couple pictures and stories about mean Cloris in the book and I remember like we were rehearsal.
And she's she later had -- after rehearsal.
And she put my hand on her.
And the tabloids -- -- -- grab my hand and squeezed it.
To secure if I love you love me.
-- -- -- there.
Quote I love you.
And she goes what are my first scores could be on Dancing With The Stars from the judges.
I don't know 911.
-- two years old.
Still beat me and I got eliminated and.
Yeah let's talk about -- dancing with the stars and you got eliminated relatively early in the program -- also sustained an injury right what happened.
-- the very last move of the very last rehearsal.
My partner and her long fingernail.
Just need to uranium under the should on the mini I -- won the I should point my last move and to just.
Just ever so slightly to -- it was a very painful.
I think your -- Yes sorry -- -- my history and yeah.
I think dancing -- -- was that a good thing for you do you think career was because they -- -- up to a whole new audience that perhaps -- one cents.
I guess career wise it was good because they let me c'mon at the end of the season and wrote about violence saying okay.
Last season I think they should call this dancing with the vaguely familiar yeah.
So that really are more accurate -- leg -- that.
The two Google the cast was and it said right at Yahoo!.
And it still it gives me a little bit have a chance for.
Oh a little.
I get to go on at the end into -- clean but also funny.
I want I roasted on the finale of Dancing With The Stars 23 million people watched it and -- and one as a -- ever gotten -- kind of audience.
That's a really fun so.
It's been a good experience and you get a lot of new fans and something to talk about a mortgage or on Dancing With The Stars yeah.
-- -- -- Or chapter in the book to -- exactly and that and that that's another fun thing about running a book is anything.
Challenging or difficult or Ohio or depressing that ever happened to me you can write it in a funny way make a chapter in an older -- your -- at the end ago -- wrote a book.
We should also say.
And I have read the book not completely been missed that Jesus part but I.
You know the -- -- it's funny obviously tells the story you have some fun stories about your career and it would also give me good advice if you're ever.
Did you ever -- a roast someone you get really.
Practical good tips and you obviously have to have some wit to particular area I'll read it's really really helpful how good -- -- -- -- it.
-- -- -- -- a horrible person began with.
They're holding -- crap if I'm really making people cry.
-- -- -- -- -- They'll -- next -- News Corp.
cafeteria anymore but you've earned it I know friends but now if I was ever invited to -- someone now we know how to do it you know without absolutely cutting off men and -- have been -- -- -- had to be insulting the kind of like keep -- distance from -- The horrible things are saying about -- A lot of little tricks of the trade when you're writing -- strokes one of them like you -- is keeping your distance and talk about how.
You know you think what you're saying but you're not really saying and -- -- I'm not saying here breath stinks but you know write whatever they.
And economists and -- -- he thinks what you're might vomit speaks for itself.
And that kind of thing.
Looking all comedians are the bill type of comedians like itself desperately I am not a comedian you're funny writer actor tragedy and.
That's when -- syllables it's harder to pronounce.
But most of them are very very you know self deprecating kind of humor and you actually be slightly self deprecating -- -- -- -- -- violent and now I'm all deprecating.
Right but not necessarily -- -- -- done well sometimes -- make fun of myself for instance look at these apps right here on the market out.
That means he's thinking if you can watch -- that was -- should read it work out but after her life more in the sport wraps.
A little -- from last night.
I'll get I didn't I am I went out till 5 in the morning remember fox.
You've -- -- -- -- I'm glad I never want an -- -- an island great yeah I wasn't so I didn't behave myself last night you know what I'm really sweaters and thank you -- Having him here because it looks so much better and seeing so much funny here that.
Luckily I'm so drunk that none of these are actually hitting me that you are coming -- coming down I'm still there you know not alien bill and getting you through.
I'm Lauren yeah so fun.
As a violent and where they're -- you thought it would be I was gonna Wear the same that's enough.
I'll relaying or industry for the viewers how loyalists instead.
Look amazing you very beautiful you -- natural to tell.
That means yes -- with him and you know -- anything really.
No I don't think for anyone but he just didn't a lot of -- And yes I heard Hannity walks around a purple underwear -- always true.
No that's Glenn -- really yes and.
And under -- on his head so that's really bad for the interns -- things will never speak on outside of the building here.
I guess they are right now where -- and we're doing it talk about your best friend Eliot Weinstock.
That's so funny you really did homework -- -- that she's very good.
And he acknowledged -- -- -- knowledge acknowledgment that might -- it.
I think my pharmacist -- because that will be without over the counter drugs and behind the counter drugs and you know help keep you -- make you creative I'm.
What do you want right now -- -- -- you up this morning particularly a little coffee from Murray's big little coffee maybe ask don't matter already forgotten our largest coffee.
It was really fun.
Went to butter stance on the booths yeah yeah enable them that -- -- I I was last night.
Really that's an amazing night let's get to see you find that you actually a better able to answer after the entry and I gotta feeling -- Clearly that is and it's gonna be it yeah it wasn't with the stars is dancing with the stats miseries -- Do you feel like you are definitely better dancers than most people in the show Johnson -- You wanted -- yeah.
Yes but luckily for you I don't have long now.
On their home court try anything try this when -- -- -- all you can -- -- -- He'll -- -- this is -- my partner Tom iPad right this doesn't require anything except.
To shop shall.
Doesn't matter -- -- yeah but yeah.
You know I got to limit on the first -- -- I didn't get to do the rumba and but the one thing about the -- is yet to think about a figuring with your -- So much a -- first.
That role in my aroused.
I'm glad I'm still saying they definitely view is that you're eating breakfast tray to try to learn.
So this is -- For the greater good enough to get this on the cable channel.
When we talk on the mountain areas we do this country catch a -- next season you actually you.
You've done the impossible -- towards Obama got and I -- I can't believe that in the helicopter that is now.
Didn't hit and then there's the frame you know when are we keep another room but the -- another thing they -- you -- you do this right.
This does appear and this -- here enough to keep.
-- -- you -- when -- look that way and I look this way room so it's very formal like an old movie star -- in the young opera and the momentum -- well that's the.
I can't quit his coordination involved and -- -- it will have to have a certain mental strength.
It from the dance partner even if I'm with the most anorexic -- make Thai boy I have a problem I'd get -- it -- it's less the strength and more the coordination part like I'm fawn all over myself even Simon got it got from and I can actually hold on how he's handling.
I guess I.
I go to letting on occasion -- Blow up doll.
Applaud dot available let's look at -- this is too late paying as -- -- -- when I do Enron.
Look for bill and an upcoming episode intervention.
They go -- great sleep well tonight Luke both.
We're gonna take a quick break we'll be right back -- Yeah that's chance.
-- -- back.
That is an on camera and relative.
Bill Chilton obviously here and I'm -- by national car behind those small -- -- -- -- Thanks yeah you consider the roast master have a new book out I only roast the ones that love which you can pick up -- then bookstore.
Maybe signing this thank -- to be around signing on.
Early signing it in Chicago this weekend have to make shows they did a couple signings in New York can he didn't.
People minimum ratios which is fun and signed funny thing that regency on the timing is right now -- people when they asked me to roast them in the book he did yeah.
They're a little insults and stuff like that.
That the -- has -- certain page is actually worth going to assigning you truly fun and that joke -- This book is good for the environment to jokes are 100%.
-- -- -- -- from Chris Rock Chelsea handler can reliable people calling on mayor Bob Saget Rachael Ray and fairest of them.
I was Chelsea analyst quotes is Jeffrey Ross has -- face for books I'm glad he's finally come to terms with us.
Think it's easy for me let -- and Rick Moran -- Walter Matthau got a baby -- picked it up like it yeah exactly.
I before I really doubt it.
This was your day is.
One -- -- -- -- dance.
Problem with making just it's a fancy word not clear what and when I saw it fused anyway continue on Friday you you have this comedic timing of the suicide -- Blows it getting cleared up once or even.
And -- bell menu.
-- sentencing bill is slow.
Deep in the -- he's living in Narnia and then I feel like at 3 AM I'm out of the closet ballots are littered strategy remind back and I easy how about Lauren.
-- Save -- I had -- for the easy targets area.
I'd say learn today think that you're.
-- you -- my income rose yeah play in the dress.
What do it slow sort of build and then get to -- affected.
-- look like a hooker from Battlestar Galactica.
Though there really high class.
News sent the real.
A host that was both of -- shows Fox News correspondent.
Leventhal -- into Iraq he's you know lived in the desert he's done line really hardcore stuff but he's a big fan of yours.
And turning fifty this year and I -- going to -- him for his fiftieth birthday.
Something we can.
You -- advice for the road again I would try it with him.
I would try to make it.
Almost like a referendum modest career you know you can't really is a good looking guy -- on -- a -- available to be -- insisting that maybe you could come.
Dressed like you know it's high school girlfriend or somebody you met on set -- my FaceBook dot com.
But -- kind of crazy stuff he's -- And I -- really have -- the trick -- the trick is to make him feel comfortable.
Very rat pack can make them feel like Sinatra.
And you guys be the rat pack can't go wrong.
-- -- -- -- Daniel is what do you know it has to be his fiftieth birthday good good to go big occasion right.
He should be something of an event somebody should be like teacher of the year.
Or -- employee of the month or schmuck of the century.
And in Rick's case -- ago.
Our photos counterproductive because I feel like that's a big wedding thing whenever he didn't roads -- -- show -- Rick went through his members only face -- see that in him I know we had at the would you -- -- sort of take away from the insults.
Now you want to have one piece of art maybe on the podium or behind him that's very embarrassed.
Good their mustaches and Frankenstein.
Always helps to the -- thing is that we all agree that they auditing.
-- -- this this is old so eyebrow -- you have.
-- -- Nelson he doesn't amount we didn't think anything lends some of it's hard to -- the strategy room it's kind of in roast format as it is.
Like the laid back it's like -- corner.
Can you think before this -- -- the weight of the world than an hour and a five RA the bingo caller has that higher budget than you guys.
We'll get through rapid ardea its oxygen and honor are keeping an interview in the room that and Franken -- -- -- -- That's great -- thank -- -- an electrical fires yeah.
I -- him having them think thank you --
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